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A Sex Educator’s Message to T.I.

"My doctor's virginity test haunts me 11 years later." Sex educator Cassandra Corrado has a message for T.I. and anyone who thinks virginity testing isn't traumatic.

No laws at the federal or state level ban virginity testing

When it comes to broaching the topic of sex with your kids, no one is perfect. It’s an awkward, goofy and almost painfully real conversation to have. And, of course, paired with the layers of stigma, anxiety, and patriarchy of-it-all, it’s a fraught issue that leaves a lot of room for discomfort and misunderstandings. Sex educator Cassandra Corrado got candid about virginity testing after hearing about rapper T.I.’s annual OB/GYN visits with his daughter, Deyjah. “I will say, as of her 18th birthday, her hymen is still intact," T.I. shares with on the Ladies Like Us, Podcast. Corrado wrote an article detailing her own experience of what happened when she went in for birth control pills.

“To T.I., my childhood doctor, and anybody else who thinks that virginity testing is real or reasonable: please stop doing this. Every single time you look at them and question what they're doing with their body or you place judgment on how they're taking care of it or what shape it is or anything, you're telling them that their body is ultimately yours because you helped make it or you helped take care of it. And that's not the message you want to be giving your kids. So please. Be better at your job. My doctor’s virginity test haunts me 11 years later. And as a 15-year-old, I didn't realize that you really should be going to a gynecologist for all of your pelvic care. I was just like; he's a doctor and all doctors know everything. And I was really wrong. Hearing somebody say, good girl, I felt so dirty and gross and nauseated and judged because the reality is that I was already having sex and so if I was a good girl because I supposedly wasn't having sex yet,” Corrado tells Brut.

Corrado adds that it’s not uncommon for parents to be afraid to bring up sex or to be worried they won’t have the right answers or the right words to stumble through the conversation. But you can’t let that fear of an awkward unknown keep you from giving your kid access to the information they’ll inevitably need. Now, Corrado holds sex education workshops across the country.

Brut.

11/26/2019 11:19 AM
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119 comments

  • Diana C.
    01/01/2020 00:22

    I agree, TI to me was just this side of incest. And let's be clear doctors are not suppose to inform anyone on their child's sexual activities. They always made me leave the room when they asked my daughter's question. So I don't know if it was because he was famous not a doctor can loose their license.

  • Isabel V.
    12/31/2019 20:58

    My hymen was still connected up until I gave birth to my son 🤷🏽‍♀️ I was still technically considered a “virgin” when I was delivering my son So no mattter what it’s not a affective way of knowing and just humiliating your own daughter .. just teach her safe sex and guide her that’s all you can do

  • Jaime M.
    12/31/2019 16:15

    If you have a female child that is 14,15 or 16 they may have already had their hymen broken by use of tampons as females begin menstruation as young as 11 or 12 in some cases (sometimes younger). This does not mean their virginity isnt still intact. If you are that worried that your child may be sexually active then EDUCATE them instead of traumatizing them. Have the safe sex talk. Have the wait until marriage talk. Take her to a gynecologist and if its deemed a positive educated choice, get her on birth control. You may not be able to decide what they choose to do with their bodies but you CAN choose to keep her protected.

  • Christine H.
    12/31/2019 14:36

    This is ridiculous, like it’s an epidemic because one guy said something and exaggerated. He later said he was never in there, he was referring to when she was 15, 16, not 18. I see a man that cares about his daughter. More people should pay attention to what their teen girls are doing. He may have poorly worded it but you’re not an adult at 15, 16 years old.

  • Cindy S.
    12/30/2019 15:22

    I’ve never heard of this till the TI story.....I didn’t have this happen to me, but then again I didn’t go to my first Gyne appt till 19 yrs old......frankly to me it’s NO ONES business and I’m happy to see someone whose knowledgeable in this speaking out......NO YOUNG GIRL should go thru this !!

  • Tasha B.
    12/30/2019 12:04

    Shut up mine your business

  • Denise P.
    12/30/2019 07:13

    That is not your business

  • Tracy B.
    12/30/2019 06:59

    we had to have a gynecologist explain this to my daughter's father. he demanded the same thing when my daughter was 15 years old. because we were separated and with other people and he was making accusations that weren't true because his new step daughter wasn't a virgin so he made assumptions about his own. it's disturbing what men can do and even some mothers. a hymen can be ruptured by anything even by a fall too hard

  • Nina F.
    12/30/2019 06:33

    What kind of father would do this to his daughter a controlled sick freak!!!

  • Kimmy S.
    12/30/2019 04:10

    Stfu

  • Betty R.
    12/28/2019 01:15

    It really ain't ya business period . LADY...

  • Brooke A.
    12/27/2019 22:08

    This is obviously wrong but people need to get educated about hymens because they can literally break from tampons so just because your hymen is broken doesnt mean you still cant be a virgin 🤷‍♀️

  • Victoria D.
    12/27/2019 17:56

    My family never did that to me. I also know that you can't tell because, some girls are born without a hyme (can't spell it)

  • Nickole C.
    12/26/2019 15:50

    I also would never personally do this to my girls but ultimately they are children and need monitoring of certain things

  • Esmeralda P.
    12/26/2019 14:00

    I would never do that to my daughter . That’s her personal privacy and she can do whatever she wants with her body. I’m only going to give her advice for why she should wait until she’s married.

  • Kellie J.
    12/24/2019 17:52

    Isn’t it crazy that we need professionals to reverse the damage that chastity and purity training have done to young men and women. Just a shout out, if it ruins someone’s mental state or bodily image of themselves or how they feel about their self worth, maybe it’s not a good practice.

  • Kaitlyn G.
    12/24/2019 06:45

    My mom and dad took me in for that but it wasnt called a virginity test. My mom just said they are going to see if my hyman is still in tact. The doctor was old as hell and I was a virgin. So the test hurt really bad. They didn't believe me anyway because I was using tampons so my hyman was disturbed.

  • Misty F.
    12/24/2019 05:04

    My hormones are all over the place and to have a cycle I need birth control. Well my mom did this to me in 7th grade and I was a virgin and I remember tensing up thinking the doctor would tell her no. I literally had nothing to be worried about and it came out of no where. The doctor quickly said oh yeah. And I couldn’t believe my mom did that. It does feel ugly and I couldn’t believe she didn’t trust me.

  • Kadee L.
    12/23/2019 23:47

    Checking for an intact hymen is not a valid way to check to see if someone has been sexually active!!

  • Arlice M.
    12/23/2019 10:09

    Agree!