In a conversation around her book The Toilet Seat, author Latha spoke about women’s desire, marriage, infidelity and sex education. Here are 10 key things she said.
1. Many Women Experience Abuse
Lata said that most women would have gone through abuse, either at home, by close people or in public spaces. She shared that she experienced abuse in her childhood and teenage years, including by people she knew.
2. She Entered Marriage Without Understanding Sex
She said that when she got married, she did not know how people even had sex. In her cultural context, sex before marriage was not discussed or accepted, which created a sense of urgency around marriage.
3. She Initially Believed Women Do Not Enjoy Sex
After marriage, she said she felt no enjoyment and believed that women were not meant to enjoy sex and that it was only for having children. She later questioned that belief.
4. The Title Came From A Personal Feeling
Lata said the phrase “toilet seat” came to her after an experience where she felt used. That phrase led her to begin journalling, which eventually became the book.
5. Suppression, Not Desire, Leads To Perversion
She said perversion arises from the suppression of desire rather than desire itself. According to her, sex is a basic necessity of life but is not normalised in society, leading to frustration and lack of fulfilment.
6. Many Marriages Only Appear Successful
Lata shared the story of a woman in her seventies whose marriage was admired publicly. In private, the woman told her she had not felt emotionally or sexually fulfilled for years, despite being physically cared for.
7. Love Cannot Be Promised Forever
She questioned the idea of promising lifelong love in marriage, saying love is an emotion that cannot be guaranteed permanently. She said care, respect and friendship are more realistic foundations for a relationship.
8. Infidelity Is A Reality
Lata said she does not frame infidelity as right or wrong but as something that happens. She stated that extramarital relationships emerged with the institution of marriage and that human beings are not strictly monogamous by nature. She also noted that divorce processes can be long and complicated.
9. Sex Education Must Be Normalised Early
She said parents should speak honestly with children about sex and not treat it as secretive. She shared that she spoke openly with her son about menstruation when he asked questions. She also said she is against separating boys and girls in schools and believes gender is a spectrum.
10. Women Have The Right To Pleasure
Lata said many women are not aware that they can experience sexual pleasure and orgasm. She stated that women have the right to understand their bodies, communicate their needs and seek fulfilment. She also said that sexual desire is individual and not limited by age or gender.
